Kathi	How about Thats like the kettle calling the kettle black? You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. She was so ugly she'd stop a clock. If you shovel in Sh-- , you can't help but get a little on you..... You lay down with dogs you're sure to get up with fleas. That meal was so good my tongue just about beat my brains out. You made your bed now lay in it. If you don't feed your man at home he surely will go out to eat. (In reference too a man cheating on his wife) He ain't the sharpest knife in the drawer. ( referring to ones intelligence)
Jay	My Grandfather would tell me: "Don't get in a pissin' contest with a skunk". Sage advice.
Long	How about this one If frogs had wings he would not bump his butt everytime he hopped
Debra	Ok I give up, how about.............some of my Granny's He don't have a pot to pee in nor a winder to toss it out of. Trip the light fantastic. Them youngins ain't got brains God give a goose. Good lord a willin and the creek don't rise Flip the switch = turn the light on or off depending on which direction it was in when she asked us to "flip it" Cold as a witches tit in a brass bra.
Vicki	May as well jump in!! How 'bout, "Root Hog or Die," generally said in our house when one of the kids was complaining about what mom fixed for supper . . . . "Well I guess you'll just have to root hog or die, then" mom would say with a smile. Actually saw this one in a book called "Everyday Life in Colonial America" ... apparently the saying originiated in the days of the early settlers, when colonists had to turn their animals out for the winter to forage for themselves.
Lisa	About being very drunk, "3 sheets in the wind" Mad as a puffed toad-frog Tough as white(whit) leather Mean as a striped snake Cold as a witches' tit Peart as a cricket Nervous as frog legs fryin' Runs 'round like a pumpkin vine Sore as a risin' (boil) Ugly as homemade sin Pretty as a goggle-eyed perch Sings like a bellyached hawg Jakeleg drunk Beat him into doll rags In a turkey's dream ya can His head's screwed on wrong Money thinks ah'm daid That road gets littler an' littler 'til hit runs up a tree Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. She could talk the legs off a chair. He's all hat and no horse. She said that he's all cattle and no prod. If that ain't a fact, God's a possum. So dry the catfish are carrying canteens. He's so busy, you'd think he was twins. He'll squeeze a nickel till the buffalo craps. It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs. Cold as a cast iron commode. She's two sandwiches short of a picnic. Ugly? Why she's so ugly that she needs to sneak up on a glass of water else the glass breaks. Confused as a goat on astro-turf. Handy as hip pockets on a hog. So ugly that his mama takes him everywhere she goes so she doesn't have to kiss him goodbye. Looks like he sorts bobcats for a living. If brains were leather, he couldn't saddle a fly. So buck-toothed that he could eat corn-on-the-cob through a picket fence. "GRANDMA'S WASHDAY "RECEET" Years ago, a Kentucky grandmother gave a new bride the following "receet" for washing clothes. It appears below just as it was written and despite the spelling, has a bit of philosophy: 2. Set tubs so smoke won't blow in eyes if wind is pert. 3. Shave one hole cake lie soap in bilin water. 4. Sort things, make three piles. 1 pile white, 1 pile cullord, 1 pile work britches and rags. 5. Stir flour in cold water to smooth then thin down with bilin water. rub dirty spots on board, scrub hard, then bile. Rub cullord, don't bile, just rench in starch. 6. Spread tee towels on grass. 7. Hang old rags on fence. 8. Pore rench water in flour beds. 9. Scrub porch with hot soapy water. 10. Turn tubs upside down. 11. Go put on clean dress, smooth hair with side combs, brew cup of tee, set and rest and rock a spell and count blessings."
Christine	When I was a kid my mother used to tell me not to try and "Work a chicken foot" on her, i.e., don't try to put one over on her. I used to know where that came from. Anyone got any ideas. I'll know it when I hear it.
Becky	Okay, I was going to pass on the old sayings but can't resist...... She was "crazier than a Bessie bug"......(a nutty person) She looked like a cow at a new gate......(confused about something) That'll keep your dog from sucking eggs........(that'll teach you!!) He was faster than a striped ape.......( somebody quick) Crazy as a loon.......( a nutty person) Not too swift...............( not too bright) Put that in your pipe and smoke it!....(so there!) Up a creek without a paddle......( hopeless/helpless) You look like the back end of hard times!........(looks pretty shoddy)
Lisa	THE WAY IT WAS SAID! Hit was so wet las' spring, mah skin sprouted watercress. Thet land was so steep my beagles would chase rabbits down our chimney inter the kitchen. She's ugly 'nough to vomit a buzzard. She sings a high note like she'd stepped in a bear trap. That vally was so narrow, hound dogs could only wag their tails up and down. Hit was so wet, the ol' woman was catchin' catfish in the kitchen mousetrap. The land's so poor, a hound dawg has to lean on a fence post so he can raise a bark. Hit was rainin' so hard up on Scaly Mountain we almost drowned. I had to throw a bucket of dirt in Ed's face to bring him to. She's fresh ever' spring, like a cow. (childbirth) The land was so steep, we planted hit with a shotgun. Thet feller could grin a 'coon outen a tree. I took so much of Doc's vile medicine, I was sick a long time after I got well. She was so modest an' bashful, she had to go inter 'nother room to change her mind. My hog et so menny pine sprouts, he butchered out a pound of lard an' three gallons of turpentine. Mama got out the almanick to see when Daddy would get full. (eating) The land was so steep, ya could look up the chimney to see the cows come home. My hawgs was so thin this year thet hit took three of 'em to make a shadow. A hammer or a dose of castor oil, will cure anything Does anyone remember these-PICKLED WALNUTS 100 walnuts or butternuts when soft enough to be a needle (July) pricked each with a large needle well through, holding in a cloth to avoid staining your hands. Soak in salt water (1 1/2 pints salt to 1 gallon water) for 2 to 3 days changing brine everyday. Then let stand for 3 days; drain and expose to sun for 3 days. Pack in jars and cover with a gallon of vinegar that has been boiled with 1 cup sugar, 3 dozen cloves and 1 1/2 dozen pepper corns, and a dozen blades mace. Pour over walnuts while hot. After 3 days, draw off vinegar, boil it and pour over walnuts while hot. After 3 days, repeat. They will be ready to eat in one month. They will keep for 1 year. From an 1831 cookbook I also have a recipe for Chocolate Gravy if anyone is hungry...
JoAnn	I always sort of liked: If his/her brains were dynamite he/she wouldn't have enough to blow his/her nose. Or, as my late father-in-law would say: His/her brain rattled around like a bean in a boxcar.
Michael	"That will last, like a snow ball in California." "In a New York min." "When hell freezes over." "What the Tom, Dick and Harry are you doing!" (That's funny, I got a Tom, Dick and Harry in my SMITH line. ;]`)
Phillip	On being poor: "The soles of my shoes are so thin, I can step on a dime and tell you if it's heads or tails."
Becky	Cart before the horse They put the bun in the over before it was supposed to be hot. Hot enough to fry eggs on the sidewalk Cold enough to freeze your words When we would pout our Grandfather (Indiana) would say that a rooster was going to come sit on our lip. Of course this is the grandfather that told us that Davy Crockett didn't shoot the Bear. He was out of powder..so when he came across this huge bear, he tried to talk to it but it was a mean one and stood up on it's hind legs and opened it's mouth reeeeeal wide and growled....Well, Now Davy being a quick thinking man, just reached down that bears throat, all the way to the other end, grabbed the inside of the bear's tail and jerked as hard as he could and turned that bear wrong side out......they didn't even have to skin it before cooking it. My brother who was so gullible that he believed anything, wore his new "DAVY CROCKETT" outfit to school the next day and stood up and shared the story with the entire class. MOM got a call from the school....it seems that they had decided that my brother was having trouble dealing with the idea that Our Dad was gone. (Korean War thing) and was having trouble with reality.....and that she needed to seek some consoling for him. When ever anyone comes in with a story that is a little hard to believe will wait until the story is over and say YEAH right and Davy turned the bear inside out too. Kathy had said: When a child wanted something: Hold out one hand and spit in the other and see which one fills up faster. NO,NO,NO that's wish in one and spit or SH#@ in the other depending on which grandmother's house we were at....one in INDIANA one in WASHINGTON D,C. INDIANA was the spitter.
Claudia	I have enjoyed reading all the odd sayings. Most of them are not regional to the south and midwest. I was raised in NJ and had heard most of them before ever coming to KY. My mother's ultimate put down was: As long as you wipe your rear with the same hand you eat with you're no better than anyone else. Ever hear that one before?
Jay	When I was just a little tater and my grandfather (from an Oregonian pioneer family) was trying to get me to eat my grub he would say: "That will put hair on your chest" "That'll make you fat ragged and sassy" "That will put zip in your zipper" I am now passing these sayings on to my kids. What a nice legacy. I think Lisa's sayings "take the cake". I "fell off my chair" and "split my sides". Thanks, Lisa.
Cindy	How about: "wish in one hand and spit in the other and see which one fills up faster" "You're not just whistlin' Dixie" or, along the same lines, "You ain't just a woofin' ". or, another of my mother's, "Water seeks its own level" said very darkly when she did not approve of a friend or boyfriend! or "If a frog had wings his butt wouldn't hit the ground everytime he hopped" or "If wishes were horses, beggars would ride" My mother used to tell me "what goes around comes around". I never had even one clue what she was talking about until I had kids. NOW I get it - too late! LOL - if you live in Texas and your father worked oilfield, you are "hung a couple of stands off bottom" - a reference to getting a tool stuck in the hole. Or " a few sandwiches short of a picnic" Or "the light's on but nobody's home" Or "he just rode in on that last load of watermelons" Or "just pure-dee ignorant" - pronounced "ignernt" Or "too stupid to live" Or "can't find his butt with both hands and a search warrant" (or a flashlight) Anything that is very messy looks like a hooraw's nest - I don't know what a hooraw is, but it must have a really yukky nest! When something's moving fast - "it's a goin' jesse!" something out of line - "cattywampus" or "out of kilter" Just after dark - "dark thirty" "Sweating like a w**** in church" "Shoot fire!" (prounounced far, of course) When my family is playing cards - a bust hand is a "boliver" and a straight missing one card is a "chinese straight" - why chinese, I don't know. For something very unlikely - "Yes, and I'm a cross-eyed aviator!" Something that has tipped over is "tumped" Brenda said: When something was backwards, my grandmother would say it was "Hind part before" Mine said it was "bass ackwards".
Carol	My Kentucky grandfather used to say: "People are stranger than anybody." And he knew cows and chickens!
Betty	Recently I read a correction to one of our old sayings, I wonder which is really correct. .......God willing and the creek (stream) don't rise. .......God willing and the Creek (Indiana) don't rise This article I read stated the later correct. I wonder?
Debra	I had always heard it GOOD LORD A WILLIN AND THE CREEK DON'T RISE. from grandparents who were from OK. I always thought it was Creek (water) If the family lived close (most did) to a creek and could not get out to the road when it rained they would tell people they would be there if the "Good Lords a willin and the creek don't rise" anybody else know what it might have originally been.
Cindy	Or uglier than a mud fence. And a nice looking woman was built like a red brick outhouse. Dumb as a box of rocks. Dumb as a dehandled shovel. Lower than snake dung in a wagon rut. Mad as a jap. One of my great aunts used to say she was "tired as a grasshopper what's been hopping all day" or "mad as a bear what's been hit with a rock". Crazy as a bed bug I still use a bunch of the ones I have seen - my best friend is from "up north" (she can't help it!) and she is forever saying, "WHERE do you come up with this stuff?" Now I know! It's in my southern blood, LOL!
cato	In reference to a poor marriage choice.....He/she drove his/her ducks to poor water! My Greatgrandmother always said...."Good Lord willin' and the creeks don't rise". My greatgrandfather from TN said....."madder than a bear with a sore tail" An old saying used, when you are really getting down on someone, is to explain to them "which pig is pork."
Doug	MY mother says "you are noacount if you have animals living under your house" In missouri "poke" is another way of saying bag or sack. Is this used in other places? Like "pig in a poke"
Glenna	I haven't been on for awhile, so I am just finding these old sayings. Boy, do they bring back memories. Some of them have my husband and me almost rolling in the floor. I haven't yet read them all, so hope I'm not duplicating, but I thought of a few from our family. Blind in one eye, can't see out of the other (when someone is looking for something that's in front of them). One side of his brain got lost, the other side went looking for it (when someone acts dumb). Don't have the sense God gave a grasshopper (self explanatory). He's/she's as full of crap as a Christmas turkey (usually said about a salesman or someone bragging). Night's as black as sin (when there's no moon out). Couldn't find his behind with a roadmap and flashlight (someone acting stupid and makes you angry). If I had his money and he was sitting in a barrel of feathers, we'd both be tickled. You know he's full of crap, his green eyes have turned brown. This (whatever) is as soft as a baby's behind. I'll leave this world the way I entered, bare a--ed and broke. Couldn't find their way out of a brown paper sack. Can't hold a note in a paper bag (someone who can't sing). Sorry if I repeated, but I'm enjoying all of them
Doublas	All this talk of old sayings brings me to a list I have been compiling. I think I will share it with the board and see if anyone can add to it. The following are terms and expressions in the American vernacular of the English language derived from the Kentuckey Flintlock Rifle : loaded for bear - rifles were loaded light for small game but heavy for bear. plumb center - "center matches" were shot at a knife cut on a charred shingle. lock stock &barrel- the basic components of a rifle. flash in the pan- flint strikes, priming flashes but main charge doesn't go off. going off half cocked- rifle going off accidentaly when in half cock or safe position Kentuckey windage-the practice of holding the front sight to the left or right of the target to allow for wind drift. I'm sure some of you can come up with more.
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